Ditch the food guilt around the holidays

Introducing the Compassionate Flexibility mode: Your guide to happy, guilt-free holidays

The holidays can feel messy when it comes to food. Part of you wants to enjoy the mince pies, the Celebrations chocolates, and the long meals. And another part is whispering rules like “be good,” “you’ll regret this later,” “if I eat this, I'd better not have breakfast tomorrow”, or “oh well, I'll start a diet in January.”

That inner tug-of-war leads straight into the restrict → lose control → guilt loop.

What if this year, you chose something gentler?

Compassionate Flexibility is a way of moving through the season without getting stuck in food rules. It’s about listening inward, caring for yourself, and staying present with what matters to you.

Compassionate Flexibility teaches you to adapt to social and food challenges without self-punishment.

I’ve put together a few tools that can support you through these weeks.

1. Redefine success: your intention is to feel, not to achieve

The first step is to shift your focus from what you should do to how you want to feel.

Tool: "My Intention for the Holidays"

1. Define 3 feeling phrases: Choose three states you want to prioritise.

   • Example: Peace, Connection, and Enjoyment.

2. Define 3 kind boundaries: Establish self-care rules that protect your mental well-being. Frame them kindly.

   • Example: "I will set a kind boundary regarding conversations about diets or body weight."

3. Micro-action: guilt audit:

   • Be aware of the typical judgmental thought ("I shouldn't," "It's too much," "I'm going overboard").

   • Substitute that internal dialogue with your Intention. For example, instead of thinking "I'm going overboard," think: "I am choosing the enjoyment of this moment and connection with my loved ones."

2. Hit Pause: Distinguish real hunger vs. emotional hunger

Impulsive eating (or "snacking") often happens when we respond to an emotional need with food. In these cases, awareness is key.

Micro-Action: The 30-Second Pause

• Before eating, stop for 30 seconds. Ask yourself: "What type of hunger is this?"

  • If it's physical hunger (gradual, in the stomach), eat.

  • If it's emotional (sudden, urgent, due to boredom or stress), seek the real need (rest? affection? distraction?).

    
    

• Golden Rule: Put your cutlery down on the table between every bite. This forces you to slow down, chew, and allows your body time to register the food, helping the satiety signal reach your brain in time.

3. Drop the “good food / bad food” labels

That mental restriction is the real trap. To ditch the food guilt around the holidays (or for good!), remove food labels such as "healthy" or "unhealthy", "good" or "bad". As soon as your brain perceives food as “forbidden,” it turns it into a magnet.

If you catch a judgment like “I shouldn’t have eaten that,” try separating what happened from the story you’re telling yourself.

Tool: "The guilt thought and its replacement"

1. Capture the guilt thought: Identify the judgment you make after eating a "feared" food (Example: "I'm weak for having eaten that dessert").

2. Challenge it (Fact vs. Judgment):

   • Fact: I ate a dessert.

   • Judgment: I am weak, I ruined the day, I have no control.

3. Replace it with compassion: Reframe the situation with a kind affirmation. Example replacement: "Food has no moral value. I am a worthy person, regardless of what I ate. I return to my Intention of [your Intention here] with the next meal."

4. Connect: Do a self-care activity that is not compensatory exercise (a quiet walk, reading, a shower).

Try this small challenge: Choose something you usually avoid and allow yourself to eat it without planning to compensate later. Freedom grows with practice.

4. Enjoy with full presence

When you’re actually present with your food, you don’t need to keep chasing the next bite.

Tool: The 3x5 Rule (Mindful Eating)

Apply the practice of the 5 senses only to the first 3 bites of any meal or festive treat:

• Sight: Observe the colours and texture.

• Smell: Inhale the aromas.

• Touch: Feel the temperature and consistency in your hands/mouth.

• Hearing: Listen to the sound as you chew.

• Taste: Identify the flavours.

  
  

You’ll probably notice your pace slowing down naturally. And enjoyment becomes easier to access right away.

5. Support yourself in social moments

Unfortunately, food often comes with unwanted opinions, comments and sometimes pressure from others. Preparing a little can make a big difference.

Tool: The Festive boundaries protocol

• Prepare Responses: For family comments about your food or body:

  • Kind and clear response: "I appreciate your concern, but right now I'm prioritising enjoyment and connection, I don't want to discuss diets."

  • Response that redirects: "That's interesting! But tell me, how was your trip to...?"

• Set a connection intention: What is your social goal?

  • Example: "My intention is to have a meaningful conversation with my grandmother" or "My intention is to play with the kids." This gives you a focus that isn't dependent on food.

Remember: Food becomes one part of the day, not the whole story.

Ready to ditch the food guilt around the holidays?

This year, allow yourself to feel peace and enjoyment. Stop feeling guilty and embrace Compassionate Flexibility. Your well-being is not tied to your plate.

Which of these tools will you apply first? Leave me a comment and share your Intention for this festive season!

Laura xx